For the first time in my life, I watched the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. (I’ve heard Gedeon and Jen don’t care much for it and I’m pretty sure that Dave loves it.)
If you’re interested in hearing my thoughts as I watched this sci-fi film, read on.
Interestingly enough, I found myself quite in the middle of hating it and liking it. I do like it, and very much appreciate its significance for the genre of science-fiction, it’s influence on future films, it’s originality, and the principal of it. However, I’m left wondering why Kubrick needed to drive home the point of a ship landing in a moon base for five whole minutes.
The story with the primates was intriguing, but it was dragged out for quite a long time, more time than was needed to understand the point. It’s almost as if Kubrick thought his audience was going to be full of idiots. Sir, I am no idiot. I understood what happened, and you didn’t need to spend fifteen minutes explaining how these animals discovered that they could eat meat.
Excuse me, I’m already out of sequence. I should have first touched on the first few minutes of the film which were simply black with a bunch of noise that wanted me to punch Kubrick in the face. (I’d go for the ears, but judging by the “music” in this film, I’m thinking he is deaf already.)
Then comes the MGM logo, which I will say now was one of the best parts of the whole film. This old stylized lion symbol is probably one of the better “modern” logos I’ve ever seen. (Originally pointed out to me by a coworker while I was at Webster University.)
And then there’s the planetary bodies in alignment, which I suppose I’m supposed to be amazed with, judging by the most dramatic music probably in film history, leading up to… the title slide. You’ve got to be kidding me. I was so incredibly put off by this, I can’t even describe it. It’s almost like Kubrick was thinking “Oh God this is the best film I will ever grace mankind with and I want to be completely full of myself and show I have a huge ego by making them realize how awesome I am.”
That’s where “The Dawn of Man” story is introduced, in Albertus Medium (another good part).
After the story about the primates and the black monolith that came from nowhere, we’re thrown way into the future where man is now back to eating vegetables, however in small compartments, through a straw (in space).
The shuttle carrying Dr. Heywood R. Floyd, labeled “Pan American” on the side (which is unfortunate because they don’t even exist anymore, a similar thing happened with the movie Hook) shows me that there’s some awesome zero-gravity stuff going on with the pen floating. And that’s when a stewardess walks in. Kubrick makes sure that I can understand how she can walk by showing a close-up of the Grip Shoes, which apparently don’t do such a great job because she’s constantly falling to one side and catching herself. Did I mention how much the music is out of place yet? Seriously, it does not complement the video at all.
I just want to interject here that I love watching movies. Why do I say this? Because I want you to understand I’m giving this a good, fair viewing. I watched this thing completely, without fast-forwarding through the slow parts, or anything of the sort. Which means that I sat through every time there was a scene like what came next: landing the space-plane in the station that took two full minutes. Uneventful, and boring.
Once Dr. Floyd is inside the station, things are actually kinda cool. A bit of story happens, which was needed because after watching the movie for twenty-five minutes, I still haven’t got a grasp on any overall story. Nothing. (I guess there really isn’t one, unless you count “the evolution of man and his journey through space and time,” which is pretty damn broad, if you ask me.)
Again with the ridiculous music… Dr. Floyd is traveling in a small circular shuttle thing which during the whole time we have to listen to this unfitting music and look at more Pan Am product placements. Oh, but a ray of hope there still may be, when something interesting happens! A stewardess pops out a new drinking-food tray and walks cylindrically around the pod. Neat! (Although that did take a little while to do with those Grip Shoes that she’s got going on for her.) Oh, and then there’s the silly moment about the zero gravity toilet. Chuckle.
Now that a few interesting things have taken place, Kubrick is gonna make me wait five minutes while they land this damned ship.
Enter a 70’s-esque boardroom and lets talk about this really silly cover-story, eh? Boy is it silly. Okay, lets go check out this thing that happened. Oh, right, we have to wait another five minutes while they transport these fellows to the location. Let me try to be patient again while no story is progressing.
Oh my gosh, is that a black monolith! How… almost predictable! (By the way, what the hell is this chorus noise again? I really think Kubrick must be deaf to allow this kind of ear-piercing shit to be in this film. Really distracting and makes me want to again punch him in the face.)
Now that they’re on site, they’re just going to stand there at the top of the ramp for a minute or so before they go down to check out a solid black thing in the dirt. Is this supposed to be epic? Am I missing something? Let’s take a few pictures, and get out of here, it’s creeping me out… oh wait, as if the chorus wasn’t ear-piercing enough, lets play this really long annoying beep sound. That’ll be sure to get them riled up. Then jump into the future, but not as drastic as a jump as before.
Spaceship floating in space. Where have I seen this before? Oh, right. I’ll try to be patient… again. Oh neat, this is one of those interesting parts again. It’s like a big freaking hamster wheel. But there are chairs and people in hibernation sleep, and computers, and… why did he shoot him running around at such an angle where we have to look at his crotch like that?
Enter HAL 9000. Cool. Finally I get to see what this guy is all about. I hope he turns out to be evil or something. (I’m now going to remind myself that I never want to go into space if I have to eat the stuff they’re eating. Gross.) Kubrick seems to think the future of TV will be a tall-screen display, not a wide-screen one. Uh huh. Is that guy mixing two gross-looking food items?
Life in space is boring. Really, really boring. And all you ever get to hear is yourself breathing inside your helmet… that’s the life. Well, HAL was wrong about that repair… so I’m pretty sure he’s up to no good. Cool, he’s reading their lips. Yea, he’s up to no good.
Intermission? Really? Are you serious? This time in Gill Sans? What happened to Albertus Medium? Typography fail. Jeez this intermission is long…
Okay, so HAL turns out to be evil, and that’s really cool and everything, except, you know, the pacing of the movie is still slow. Most movies would be finishing up at the one-hour-thirty-minute mark. HAL kills off the hibernating men, which is both evil and cool. Dave is left out stranded, and goes back in the ship to the Logic Memory Center to shut off HAL’s brain, which provides some comedy, but is extremely draggy (though I should have known that).
Floating monolith… then— LAS VEGAS CASINO NIGHTCLUB LIGHTSHOW ROYALE. Visually pleasing, aurally not so much (again, I should have expected that). Oh, and those short blips of Dave’s expressions, those are totally… lame, and stuff. I’m sure this part would have been a lot more exciting if I was dropping acid. That’s probably what Kubrick was doing.
And Dave’s pod is now in some Victorian house? Riiiiiiiiiight. He looks pretty old and wrinkly now. Oh, another black monolith. Well I guess it had to show up somewhere…
2001: A Space Odyssey is a bad movie. It’s just flat-out not good. Period.
I want to apologize to all of you sci-fi geeks who love it, and as I said earlier, I understand its significance and it’s influence, but it is not a good film. No, it’s not.
The HAL 9000 icon is included in the World of Aqua 3 icon set from the Iconfactory.
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